if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
