I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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