hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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