every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
