i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
