I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
did i walk over a car last night?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
