you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
