Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
