I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
