look no pants
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
