physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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