Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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