I will die if light touches me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
