Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are two peas in an std pod
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
