Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
