dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
