bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
