Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
