I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize