if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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