I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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