I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
