I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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