why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
