The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
