Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
