This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
