I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
