I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
