I forgot how hot balto sounded
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
