My room smells like vodka and shame
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
