you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
