I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
