WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
