I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My feet surprised me
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