i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
