the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
