Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
