I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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