this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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