sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
