so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
