I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
