I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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