Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
