I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
