Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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