I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
