grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
