dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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