come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
