So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
