Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
