That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We need to get me chipped asap
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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