honey bunches of taint.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
