I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
