I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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