i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
