Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
