I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
