Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He kissed a someone with a penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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