I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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