what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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