The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
