I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
